Quality Questions = Quality Life 

Its 2013. I'm in New York City. I'm wearing a batman t-shirt and smiling on a stop in our tour to Coney Island. 

By all accounts, I should be happy. Yet I wasn't.

I'd just left backpack containing the passports for recently engaged wife and I, our money wallet and belongings at the previous tour stop.

Here were the questions I was asking myself:

• "What the hell is wrong with me?"

• "Why am I so forgetful?"

• "Will we ever make it back home?

• "Don't you know how important it is to keep  an eye on  your things?"

• "What if someone stole the backpack?"

• "Does my wife hates me for being so forgetful?"

• "Have I ruined our holiday?"

Thankfully our tour guide was kind enough to go back to our previous stop, there was the bag, still under the table where I'd left it, everything accounted for. 

Yet in that short amount of time, I'd mentally beaten myself to a pulp based on zero evidence or support.

Why would I do that myself?  Why subject myself to mental torture in my imagination? 

Looking back at the time I wish I'd found Stocism sooner and this  quote by Seneca: 

But in 2013 (and majority of my teenage and adult life) these kind of mental beat-up  weren't foreign to me.

I'd become quite skilled in actually. 

Here are some highlights:

• "Why am I so bad at this? "

• "Will I ever be good at this? Probably not. "

• "Why does this always happen to me?"

• "Why don't I have any dependable friends?"

• "Why can't I have 'X'? It's not fair"

• "When is it my turn?"

• "Will this ever work?"

• "How could I ever achieve that?" 

You can discern from those lines of questions that my outlook on life was less than optimal. 

Fast forward several years of self development, soul searching, shadow work and words beginning with s until I stumble across the great Tony Robbins (and his coaches) who gives me this quote:

“The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of the questions you are asking yourself”

Tony Robbins

Pow.

This hit me hard.

I realized I'd been asking myself self limiting and defeating questions, no wonder I was having a bad time of it. 

What I have begun (and continue to strive to do) is to ask better questions to myself. 

I do this from my list of better questions which you may take from should you wish. 

• How can I learn from this?

• What would I have to believe for this to be true? 

• How have other people succeeded?

• How can I break this down into manageable chunks?

• Who can I learn from or ask for advice?

• Where is the opportunity in this tough situation?

• How does this serve me?

• How is staying in my current situation a disservice to me?

• What will be the benefits of change?

• How could this be the best thing that's ever happened to me?

• How do I have more fun?

• How have other people succeeded?

• Is this the only way to do it?

• Is that the only outcome?

• What alternatives are there?

• How do I make my life feel richer?

• Where is the opportunity in this tough situation?

• Has anyone else done this?

• How does this serve me?

• How do I get more out of life?

• How is staying in my current situation a disservice to me?

• How can I squeeze more out of life?

• What will be the benefits of this change?

• How can I get more out of each day?

• How do I get more fulfilment?

These questions can be added to and edited to suit whatever it is you are experiencing.

On reflection, asking "what I can learn?" in relation to losing my bag  in NYC was to always be mindful of my belongings when going on holidays. It's something I unconsciously applied to all my subsequent trips and (fingers crossed) future trips as well.   

I could have saved myself a ton of grief by asking "Is that the only outcome?" and "What would I have to believe for this to be true? " rather than suffering in imagination of what could have been. 

 Seems the worry rule holds true. I think the quality questions rule holds true also.

Cheers,

Alex