Fear Setting

Ah anxiety, isn’t it wonderful? The stress. The pressure. The never ending barrage of things seeking our attention. The demands we expect of our selves as well our careers/jobs, families and/or friends.

Isn’t it great being busy? Ignoring things that we should be paying attention to like our health or our relationships? Those things don’t matter anyway right? That email from your boss sent during dinner time needs to be replied to right now, that’s important, not the looks from your family that don’t get your attention anymore. Or the umpteenth time you’ve had dirty takeaway this week/month/year/decade. Right? Right?

Jerry Seinfeld summed it up beautifully on the Tim Ferris podcast:

“Pain is knowledge rushing in to fill a void. You don’t know that that post of your bed was not where you thought it was, but when your foot hits it, that knowledge is going to come rushing in really fast.”

The good news is knowledge of these voids is something we can actively seek to fill, without being punched (maybe not as hard, no guarantees mate).

Enter Fear Setting, taken from Tim Ferris once more on the Fear Setting exercise from his TED talk:

I’ve been using his framework since 2020 and it consists of the the following steps: 

STEP 1: DEFINE

What could go wrong? ‘Premeditatio malorum’ translates to the premeditation of evils taken from Stoicism philosophy. It asks instead of thinking positively, it wants us to think negativity.

As the Daily Stoic coined beautifully, it is impossible to prepare for something you are unaware of.

As dark and troubling as this may seem on this first step, stick with it as you’ll soon turn these anxieties into actions.

Examples from me from the June-August 2022 are my child gets sick, my house burns down and I lose my job (not all three at once hopefully!)

Don’t expect magical thinking will save you from getting cancer, you need to do something about it and so comes…

STEP 2: PREVENT

What are you doing to do about it? How can you stop this from happening? What step/s could you take to influence the outcome?

Rehearse them in your mind: exile, torture, war, shipwreck. All the terms of our human lot should be before our eyes.”

Be mindful here that a lot of life is outside of our control however taking steps to think of the worst case scenario will prepare you should things really go sideways.

If a child wants to each whatever is on the floor from last night and then complains of the sore stomach, that’s on them. However you could ensure they’re having healthy meals each day, that they drink enough water, that’s within your control (within agreement of said child)

How about your house? Well you could get a safety audit done? Maybe check the roof for any exposed wires? Do you have fire blankets should a stray tea towel bond with flames used for cooking your pasta?

Are you prepared to be laid off your job? Could you give more to your current job to stop you from being laid off? Is your CV/Resume up to snuff? What skills/qualifications/certificates could you brush up on to grow yourself further or make yourself indispensable? What is the job market like? Are there recruiters you could be speaking to?

These are all examples of steps we can take to prevent or influence the worst case scenarios from not happening, of course life does enjoy throwing haymakers and so onto step 3.

3. REPAIR

The worst has happened. Now how do you pick up the pieces? How to do you keep going? What can you do to help yourself or others that have been affected?

If my kid gets sick, I need to look after them and do whatever I can to help them recover. There are some heavy worst case scenarios you need to account because this life ain’t not picnic. Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor, lost 9 of his 14 children. He and the other famous Stoics prescribed that we must must think the unthinkable:

As you kiss your son good night, whisper to yourself, “He may be dead in the morning.” Don’t tempt fate, you say. By talking about a natural event? Is fate tempted when we speak of grain being reaped?

Positive thinking will not save us from that funeral or sifting through our burnt down home or without an income to support yourself. We must dust ourselves off, appreciate what we have right in front of us and taking steps to repair the damage.

4. BENEFITS

Fear Setting can be very heavy stuff but it’s pain is not without it’s gain. What benefits would there if those anxieties can be turned into actions? Those preventable actions you listed, how much could those fears be alleviated if you took them?

Having healthy kids, a house and secure job are pretty good.

5. COST OF DELAY TIME (6 MONTHS/1 YEAR/3 YEARS)

Back into the murk. What happens if you keep ignoring what is nagging at us? What is the cost of inaction? That pain in your stomach that you are ignoring, what could that cost you over a span of time?

It is better to kill your monsters while it’s young than let them grow and become too big and overwhelm you. The cost of letting that little monster grow is strongly encouraged to fuel your actions.

RECAP & FEAR SETTING TEMPLATE

So there you have it. The fear setting exercise. Its recommended 3 monthly or even monthly as your fears change.

I’ve made a template here which you can use for your own fear setting.

Happy negativity thinking!

Cheers,

Alex.